Start: Rifugio Barma/Finish: La Gruba hotel, Niel. 14KM, +1093, -1573
The book says 7 hours. The sign next to Rifugio Barma says 8, I make it in a bit under 12.
Yesterday I've asked for an early breakfast. Hut breakfast is always early, and it is very acceptable to ask for an even earlier one, with hikers and runners leaving at every hour of the morning. But of course I mange to feel uncomfortable, for making them wake even earlier. I'm up before 6, and before long I'm heading out.
Right from the start I have nervous energy. I'm stressed about making it on time to the next stop, or even making it at all. I obsessively make calculations in my head: how much time is there between 6am and sunset (plenty); how many meters have I climbed (not enough, never enough); how much time do I think it will take me to each the next waypoint (i'll never get there).
I wonder whether in times like this a hiking partner will do me good. Help me take a deep breath. Tell me we will make it to the finish line. Balance me. In times like this I understand why people hike with others.
But no such partner exists and this manic, obsessive energy doesn't leave me. I know this can be done. And I know I have about 15 hours of light, which is plenty. But I can't seem to relax, fulled by worry and frustration. It doesn't help with the hike, as I move either too quickly or too slow. Every time I stop (which is a lot) I take my phone out and check my progress, and re-do the same calculations. The numbers tell me I have enough time, but my brain keeps insisting i'm in danger, that i'm too slow, that I will never make it, that perhaps I shouldn't be here at all.
I don't stop. And I don't relax. I make it to Colle Marmontana, the first pass of the day, in even more time than I calculated.
At some point during the descent I loose the trail and let out an angry curse. The book, which I've read last night, mentioned this part, but I forgot about it and made the mistake the writer warned against. It's nothing, really, a straightforward mistake of continuing on what seems to be the trail rather than taking a slight turn. It's an easy mistake to correct and I don't think it has cost me more than 5 minutes, but every one of those 5 minutes feels hugely important. I add it to the list of things that are wrong with me. I can't even hike without getting lost. Why did I bother reading the damn book if I don't remember what it said.
I'm actually pretty good at reading maps and finding my way, and I know it. But at this point, it really doesn't matter. My brain is looking for ways to tell me off.
I reach Mianda chalet, a deserted building, and the lowest point before the next climb, and I know I need to make a decision. There is a trail that goes from here down into the valley, where there are people and cars. I can take that, and maybe get a taxi that will take me up to Niel. Or I can continue to the next col.
I make myself sit down, munch on my trail mix (though I am not hungry at all) drink water, re-apply sunscreen and this time - make a real, honest calculation: can I do it? Surely not, being so slow and all.
And then it suddenly dawns on me: it's not even noon. It's. not. even. noon. So yes, i've been walking for a long time. and yes, it's taking me far too long. but it's not even noon. I have 9 hours of light to make what the book says should take me 4.
It is at this point that two guys, boys really, trail runners, run past me. They stop to chat, and are impressed when I say I came from Rifugio Balma. "You are making good time", they say. Clearly I'm not, but they don't know I left the hut 5 hours ago.
They are running down into the valley, and having told them I'm hiking the AV1, I feel I simply can't take the same trail as they are. What happens if I meet them down the trail - they would think me a liar, they will not be impressed by me any more.
And so, the imagined potential opinion of two 18 year old trail-runners who's names I don't even know make the decision for me - I continue. Ridiculous, I know. This should be the last reason to do something, definitely something I fear. But I needed to make a decision, any decision, and this was good enough.
I don't remember much from the rest of the day. I don't have any pictures from the day either. There was a col (Colle della Vecchia), and I went up it, and then down down down down, finally making it to La Gruba a little before 18:30, 12 hours after I left the hut. I send my family a quick message saying I've made it, take a shower, eat dinner and fall asleep in my very comfortable bed in my very nice room. I can't even be relieved that I've made it, and I'm already dreading tomorrow.
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